I thought, I thought the days of racism were far behind us
I thought the march all over the south would mean
Days like these were over
I thought we were finally waking up from Dr. Kings Dream
I thought I thought the horrific killing of Emmett Till
Would never be replicated
I thought with Obamas election we had
Finally made it to the mountaintop
I thought it was safe for a young African American
Male to walk the streets at night
Without being deemed suspicious
I thought our justice system would prevail immediately
For a little boy who was just
Going to the store to get his brother some skittles
But my thoughts were in vain
As a innocent life is gone too soon
Poetic_Heart wrote 211 days ago (positive) 1really like this poem. i think one suggestion I would have to make is in the 1st line that it would actually work better if a dash or ellipses are used to separate both the 'I thought' phrases which know as it stands jar against one another. really like the images that are used after. only critic would have is line; 'Without being deemed suspicious' i think thats a cliche and something else in its place would would be better and make it stronger. the last few lines are great. the hope is gone just as the little boys life is gone.
hope my feedback helps. Have a great day. God bless.0 pointsOpenMicVoices wrote 387 days ago (positive) 1so much thought and history is the undercurrent voice of your work here. Just made me speechless.0 points
Anonymous wrote 424 days ago (positive) 1Powerful imagery. If you break into stanzas/paragraphs your message will become more emphatic. I love this poem. Always sustain hope for change.0 points
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